Saturday, April 01, 2006


O.K. it's just an April Fools joke. Our country; even under the current administration, still allows "most" freedoms of speech. You just can't say bullshit on television and radio anymore.



I'm sorry, but yesterday I was contacted by a certain "Agency" regarding my blog. I have been asked (nicely) to discontinue it immediately. Thank you to all the faithful readers. I hope to appear as someone else in the near future.

So much for free speech.


Thursday, March 30, 2006


I'm down in Cancun, Mexico this week. I visited with Presidente Vicente Fox for at least 5 hours before he finally invited me to Papas & Beer for some drinks. I challenged him to some Jager shots. Naturally I drank him under the table.

You have to admire the history here in Mexico. Even the protest signs have that old-world craftsmanship. You just can't fake that.

In regards to the immigration issue, I've offered to trade Dick Cheney for a few million immigrants.



Wednesday, March 29, 2006


Go ahead and leave some comments. I promise the NSA won't read them.



I visited the Gizmodo website today and found two products that would be very useful here at MY White House.

The first one is the Zac Urban Mobility Unit. This little 2 wheeled rocket can do 15 mile an hour on clean electricity. It's customizable, so I can have MY presidential logo and "Bushy" added to it. What better way to zip from meeting to meeting to bathroom, to press conference, to wire tap session, to Oval Office, to the residence.

And while we're on the subject of clean discharge, the folks at Flat-D Innovations, Inc., have devised a way to eliminate the nasty flatulence odor from our dog Miss Beazley. It's called "The Dogone - Dog Gas Neutralizing Pad". This thong (small, medium or large) comes with a starter tail cut-out hole, elastic straps for a good fit, and a quick release for poop time. I wonder if they have one of these for the Vice President?

Now movement in the White House can be fast and odorless.


Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Green Card

My chief of staff Andy Card decided that he couldn't take my bullshit any longer and has decided to resign.

The last straw was my suggestion to bring back the 1846 idea of Manifest Destiny.
If we could conquer Mexico and expand MY form of democracy, freedom and lunacy at any cost, and assimilate all Mexican citizens, we would solve the immigration problem.

I also offered to buy Cuba for "A Million Dollars"!

I also asked the FCC to make it illegal to use the word "Bullshit" on television and radio when describing my policies.

A busy, but productive day. Wouldn't you say?


Monday, March 27, 2006


Today I attended a naturalization ceremony at the Daughters of the American Revolution Building in D.C.

Here is an excerpt from my speech there:

For some of you this has been a long hard journey to citizenship. (You made it just in time). I welcome you as a free citizen and a fellow American (The rest of your family will be another story). Now that you are citizens, you will walk in the footsteps of millions. (Millions of others will walk with escorts back to the south).

America's welcoming society is more than a cultural tradition. (it's an endangered tradition that is about to be abolished). Our Constitution does not limit citizenship by background or birth (Yet). America is stronger and more dynamic when we welcome new citizens to our democracy. (With that in mind, I've called on Congress to halt the distribution of green cards that can lead to citizenship).

Our nation is now in the midst of the debate on immigration policy, and it's good. At its core, immigration is a sign of a confident and successful nation. (At the White House it's an unwanted evil that we plan to eliminate) If your family members are still down south, you better sneak them in now, because we're gonna make it real hard to cross the border. If they get caught crossing over we will now put them into detention facilities.

It's a joyful day for all of you, and I hope you all look forward to the assimilation process. Adios to your culture, hello to your new U.S. culture.

May God bless you and your families (Those that made it over),


Sunday, March 26, 2006

Arresting or Arrested

I hope that guy Carlos Mencia from Comedy Central is not an illegal. I like him much better than those clowns Stewart and Colbert. I'm hoping Carlos' ratings can bump Stew. and Colb. off the air. Or maybe I can leak some secret info to those guys and then send the Justice Department after them.

Of course if Carlos IS an illegal, we'll have to arrest him and assimilate him.

While I'm at it I better find out if any of my staff are from down south. I would hate for them to get deported and humiliated without a proper send-off.

This is going to be an interesting week,