Thursday, June 22, 2006

A Weak Constitution

Yesterday was the 218th anniversary of the ratification of the Constitution of the United States. I'm amazed that it took this long for a president to turn the one page document on it's head.

As the "Decider", I now have ultimate influence over all legislative decisions. No Republican dares to take a side on an issue that opposes my ideology. There are a few items in Article l, Section 8 that I am particularly fond of controlling...
The power to declare War, grant Letters of Marque and Reprisal, and make Rules concerning Captures on Land and Water; the power to make Rules for the Government and Regulation of the land and naval Forces; and the power to provide for calling forth the Militia to execute the Laws of the Union, suppress Insurrections and repel Invasions.

As for Article ll I shall have Power, WITH or WITHOUT the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, The Senate will concur, or else!

Finally, I will only appoint Justices to the Supreme Court that pledge to stay out of MY business.

Who needs Amendments, when Your Highness, Bushy is in charge!

Let the Chaos ensue!


Monday, June 05, 2006

Constitutional Amen-dment

The union of a man and woman in marriage is the most enduring and important human institution. O.K. maybe not enduring. In 2003 there were 7.5 new marriages per 1000 people and 3.8 divorces per 1000. Even my brother Neil got divorced after he had sex with women who showed up uninvited at his hotel rooms in Asia, and he had an affair and maybe fathered a child out of wedlock. Well he's the good looking one in the family.

Changing the definition of marriage would undermine the family structure, the careers of divorce lawyers, and the Dr. Phil show.

America is a free society which limits the role of government in the lives of our citizens. In this country, people are free to choose how they live their lives. That is until "The Decider" was elected president. I have spoken clearly on this issue and now you have to live by my rules. Some argue that defining marriage should be left to the states. Tough shit! And on an issue of such profound importance, that solution should come not from the courts, but from ME.

The constitutional amendment that the Senate will consider this week would fully protect marriage from being redefined. An amendment must be approved by two-thirds of the House and the Senate, and then ratified by three-fourths of the 50 state legislatures, but I will write it in myself if it is not ratified.

As this amendment goes forward, every American deserves to be treated with tolerance and respect and dignity. All people deserve to have their voices heard and a few thousand wiretaps will ensure that they are heard.

My new mantra is, "No debate, no red tape, no delay. If I like it, it's the law." And if I don't like it, it's MY Presidential right to ignore it.