MY WHITE HOUSE

Monday, April 24, 2006

Global Domination

This thing in Iraq isn't producing the results that I had envisioned. Full U.S. control of Iraq's oil recources. However, in the meantime the California Fuel Cell Partnership is making headway in their research to create alternative fuels that we can produce exclusively in the U.S. These alternate fuels will be low in toxic emissions, and therefore make the Kyoto Protocol unnecessary, and the new documentary "An Inconvenient Truth'', about Al Gore's campaign to get Americans to take global warming seriously will fail at the boxoffice. I will fully fund the Halliburton Corn farm and Ethanol Production Corp. and we will create large hydrogen plants in Texas and Alaska to keep American business strong. Then we'll destroy the oil refineries in Iraq and sell our Hydrogen and Ethanol to the world. I'm on a roll here!


By taking these steps, we'll maintain America's strength. And a strong America will help lead the world to a future of greater American control and prosperity.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

The "Decider"
















I am the "Decider" and I decide what's best,
no matter what the consequences are.

Bushy "The Decide-inator"

Monday, April 17, 2006

A fine experience

Well it's been nice. But after several weeks as Bushy, both here and at TagWorld, I've decided to go very part-time. I am not receiving enough comments or visits to justify the time and effort necessary to be funny and informative on a daily basis. I have family and a busy work schedule that must come first. I am also involved in a local Governor's campaign. Therefore, I will only post when I am so inclined, motivated, or pissed-off.

It's been fun and educational.

Regards,

Bushy

Friday, April 14, 2006

Three more years

Bushy authorized this, Cheney was responsible for that, Rumsfeld was involved with those..

Well yea! We run this country. Who else would you expect to authorize and be responsible for the goings-on in MY country. It's MY war, it's MY top-secret info., it's MY failed immigration bill, it's MY first amendment, it's MY NSA, it's MY confusing Medicare plan, it's MINE for three more years!

I know what you're thinking, "three more years?, what shape will the world be in if Bushy has three more years?" Well here's your chance to tell me what you think. Leave a comment and I'll discuss the best one.

Good luck,

Bushy

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Passover

I attended a Passover seder at Donald Rumsfeld's home this evening. Do you think the democrats, the Iraqis, the pundits, the press and Jon Stewart will spare me further humiliation if I smear lambs blood on the White House?

Good Yom Tov,

Bushy

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Setting an example

The web is not safe from the long arm of "THE MAN". After recent government control of the media, they have decided, in turn, to control your websites. News Corp. has hired a spy to keep an eye on your MySpace sites. Your personal information is now free for the taking. MySpace is the second most visited website on the internet, and contains personal profiles, pictures, and other life details of millions of citizens. I am negotiating an information sharing plan with News Corp. as we speak. Perhaps I could let a few government leaks slip in return for a few thousand ISPs.

I'm glad I can set an example for corporate America. I plan to go after your mail next.

Happy surfing,

Bushy

Monday, April 10, 2006

Commiteth thy ill deeds

Last night the LORD spake, saying, "first shalt thou commit three ill deeds this week. No more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt commit, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not commit, neither commit thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then commit thou thy ill deeds of MY Presidency towards thy foe, who, being naughty in MY sight, shall committ it. Amen."

Saturday, April 08, 2006

More reasons to hate science

I received a briefing today that said the following:

"Blue rings found around Uranus"

I initially thought it was a medical result from MY Presidential physician, and my ass puckered real fast. When I was told that it came from "Science" journal, and it concerned the seventh planet, I felt a little better.

It didn't help when the briefing also quoted American astronaut Bill McArthur, who upon his return from the international space station today asked "is Bush still in office?" When he was told that, yes, I am still the President, he asked when he could return to space.

I better not get a visit from any of those science fair kids in the near future.

Oh, my tushy,

Bushy

Friday, April 07, 2006

Justice for a few

A few blogs ago I told you that we were going to drag reporters before grand juries and prosecute them under the espionage laws for publishing classified information leaked to it by sources within MY government.

Well given recent circumstances, I may sound a bit like a hypocrite now. I've been called worse.

I've contacted the Justice Department and told them to only prosecute reporters that publish MY leaks. Any Dick Cheney leaks can be printed with attributions.

It doesn't end here!

Bushy

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Train in Vain

Thank you for yesterday's calm before the storm. Now that word is out that I authorized the leak of sensitive intelligence information about Iraq, I'm guessing that Democrats and Republicans alike will be keeping their distance

After I won reelection last fall, I declared that I had earned plenty of "political capital", and that I intended to spend it. Well, my bank account is just about empty.
As I become a lame duck President I want to share the lyrics to a Clash song that reflects MY current standing with the Republican party and perhaps the world.


Say you stand by your man
Tell me something I don't understand
You said you love me and that's a fact
Then you left me, said you felt trapped

Well some things you can explain away
But my heartache's in me till this day

[Chorus]
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way

All the times
When we were close
I'll remember these things the most
I see all my dreams come tumbling down
I won't be happy without you around

So all alone I keep the wolves at bay
There is only one thing that I can say

Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way


You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me

Did you stand by me
No, not at all

Now I got a job
But it don't pay
I have new woes
I need somewhere to stay
But without all these things I can do
But without your love I won't make it through

But you don't understand my point of view
I suppose there's nothing I can do

Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way

You must explain why this must be
Did you lie when you spoke to me?

Did you stand by me
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way
Did you stand by me
No, not at all
Did you stand by me
No way

Sadly,

Bushy

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

The Heat

Thank you Tom DeLay, Brian Doyle, Bill Frist, John Snow, Cynthia McKinney, Ann Coulter, Eminem, and Katie Couric for taking some of the heat off of ME this week.

Keep up the good work,

Bushy

Too bad no one is paying attention to MY new ideas on health care.

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Capitol Hill

My favorite songster, Peter Gabriel, visited Capitol Hill today to advocate against human-rights abuses in Burma.

To show his respect for Tom DeLay, Gabriel composed this song especially for him:

Climbing up on Capitol Hill
I could see the city light
Wind was blowing, time stood still
Abramoff flew out of the night

He was something to observe
Came in close, I heard his voice
Standing stretching every nerve
I had to listen had no choice

I did not believe the information
Just had to trust imagination
My hammer was going boom boom, boom
Tom, he said, grab your things, I’ve come to take you home.

To keeping silence I resigned
My friends would think I was corrupt
Turned out I was in a bind
Open doors would soon be shut

So I went from day to day
Tho’ my life was in a rut
’till I thought of K street,
Who's connection I should cut

I was feeling part of the Capitol scenery
I walked right out of the machinery
My hammer was going boom boom boom
Hey, he said, grab your gifts, I’ve come to take you home.
Yeah bye dome

When illusion spin her net
I’m never where I want to be
And liberty she pirouette
When I launder that money

Watched by empty silhouettes
Who close their eyes, but still can see
No one taught them etiquette
I will show another me

Today I don’t need a replacement
I’ll tell them what the smile on my face meant
My hammer was going boom boom boom
Hey, I said, you can keep my lobbyist gifts, they’ve come to take me home.

Thank you Peter!

Bushy

Monday, April 03, 2006

Staff Change

Yesterday I crossed paths with Will Bailey, the intelligent assistant to the Vice President on West Wing. We were both enjoying the lemur exhibit at the zoo. Lemur's are known for their "Bushy" tails and are a favorite of mine. I like Will, and I know that President Bartlet is at the end of his term, so I approached him with an offer to replace Scott McClellan as press secretary. Will proceeded to tell me that his name was really Joshua Malina and that he only portrayed Will Baily on television. I told him that my real name wasn't "Bushy" and that we welcome people who aren't what they appear to be. He said that he would think about it.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

Bull

O.K. it's just an April Fools joke. Our country; even under the current administration, still allows "most" freedoms of speech. You just can't say bullshit on television and radio anymore.

Bushy

Goodbye

I'm sorry, but yesterday I was contacted by a certain "Agency" regarding my blog. I have been asked (nicely) to discontinue it immediately. Thank you to all the faithful readers. I hope to appear as someone else in the near future.

So much for free speech.

Bushy